Author: Stand For The Silent

Stand for the Silent Inspires Schools Nationwide to Embrace Kindness

Posted on by Stand For The Silent

The New Year is a chance for schools and communities to be inspired to make changes. If there’s one thing we all agree, it needs more kindness. Stand for the Silent is one organization on a mission to help schools nationwide embrace kindness and create an atmosphere that embodies it going forward. They are not only inspiring them to do it, but they are also providing them with the tools, motivation, and insight to help make it happen.

We are happy to play a role in helping communities and schools around the country create kinder atmospheres. When you focus on doing that, there’s no place left for bullying, and everyone feels better.

—Kirk Smalley, co-founder of Stand for the Silent.

Most people want to be happy in life, and one of the best ways to help others achieve happiness is to be kind. Not only does the person on the receiving end of kindness benefit but so does the person exhibiting the kind behavior. A research study published in The Journal of Social Psychology reports the findings from a seven-day kindness study. They report that performing acts of kindness boosts happiness and well-being. What’s more, even those who merely observed the acts of kindness also had a boost in their happiness.

Schools that make a point to create an atmosphere of kindness will help increase happiness among students and staff and decrease bullying, among other benefits. Here are some ways that schools can help embrace kindness in the New Year:

  • Make the announcement. Let the students know that the New Year also brings a new atmosphere, one of kindness. If possible, hold a seminar to kick off the new vibe. By setting intentions, people will be inspired and informed.
  • Be the example. It’s easy to say, but this is an important one. People need to start modeling the behavior they want to see spread throughout their school.
  • Reward the good. Rather than always looking to punish due to unwanted behavior, turn the focus more often to rewarding the good behavior. Catch and reward students showing acts of kindness. Teaching kids to be more generous, for example, will also increase happiness, according to research published in Nature Communications. They report that volunteering one’s time is a generous act that can increase happiness.
  • Hold contests. Throughout the year, hold a few contests that get students involved in sharing what it means to be kind. Students could enter contests that involve drawing, singing, poetry, and even performing. The school could host a kindness talent show or publish artistic entries where visitors can see them.
  • Create a kindness club. Most schools have different kinds of clubs, giving students things they can get involved in. Schools can create a kindness club, allowing members to come up with kind things to do monthly around school. Whether it involves volunteering or creating kindness cards to anonymously hand out, all will contribute to a kinder culture.
  • Teach kids to be kind to themselves. Many kids consistently speak negatively about themselves. To create a kinder atmosphere, kids need to start first with being kinder to themselves. Talk to them about not being so hard on themselves and treating themselves with compassion.

“We have programs in place to help kick off a kindness campaign at the school and to help reward students,” added Smalley. “Let’s all work together to make this the year that we help our schools become what we want them to be, which is kinder.”

Whether at school or in the community, it is wise to work to create a kinder culture. According to the American Psychological Association, being kind is good for our physical and mental health. They report that even small acts of kindness boost the person doing them, the one receiving them, and the bystanders who observe them. Such things as opening a door for others, for example, can go a long way toward boosting happiness in those in the area.

Their Student Stand Out program encourages teachers to nominate students who stand out, display excellent behavior, and lead by example. Every week throughout the school year, Stand for the Silent will choose one of the nominated students to receive a $50 Visa gift card. At the end of each semester, one student will be selected to win a $100 Visa gift card. There will be two nomination periods, August 1 to December 1 and then from January 1 to April 1. Teachers can nominate as many students as they feel have earned the recognition. For more information about the Student Stand out program, visit the site at: https://standforthesilent.org/schools/standout

Tips to Protect Kids from Bullying During the Holidays and Into the New Year

Posted on by Stand For The Silent

With families gearing up for holiday break that will lead into the New Year, bullying may be the last thing on their minds. They may assume the risks of bullying will decline during this time, giving them a much-needed break from the issue. However, the research shows that isn’t the case, as many kids are bullied when school is on break, making it a great time to focus on what can be done to help prevent and address the situation now, during break and into the New Year when school resumes.

“Unfortunately, bullying doesn’t take a break when the schools do. The good news is that there are things that can be done to help address it and prevent it from happening.”  – Kirk Smalley, co-founder of Stand for the Silent

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), bullying is a type of violence that youth experience and it can happen in person and through technology. They report that it is widespread in America and causes harm. The more we can do to help prevent and address it during breaks and when school resumes, the better our youth will be.

Bullying in person takes place in school and during break, but youth are also subject to being bullied via technology during break, called cyberbullying. While they may use their technology devices all of the time, there is often an increase in usage during school breaks, making cyberbullying more possible. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 22% of all youth ages 12-18 who report having been bullied experienced cyberbullying, either online or by text.

Here are some tips to help protect kids from bullying during the holidays and once they had back in the New Year:

  • Prevention. Taking steps to prevent bullying in the first place is crucial. The CDC recommends teaching kids safe and effective ways to stand up against bullying and to enhance their interpersonal skills, such as empathy and conflict management. 
  • Get the community involved. Making anti-bullying a goal of the community will help strengthen the force against it. Communities can get involved by having a campaign, providing information to people about it, and raising awareness. Offer some examples of bullying and what can be done if and when they recognize it in the community.
  • Create policies. Schools, winter break programs and camps, and other places where kids hang out during the breaks should have clear policies in place regarding bullying. They should also include the consequences if the policy is violated, and then immediate action should be taken when bullying takes place. The sooner it is addressed, the fewer incidents that are likely to occur.
  • Focus on positivity. Many kids go to winter break camps and childcare centers during break. It’s important for these places to instill a positive climate. The same goes for schools, which can focus on this prior to break and when school resumes in January.
  • Make surfing safer. To help prevent online bullying, parents can take some measures that include managing online usage through a parental control app, setting screen time limits, blocking access to inappropriate content, etc. Kids should also be taught what cyberbullying is and what to do if they encounter it, such as blocking it, reporting it, and if need be, contacting the police.
  • Watch for signs. Parents and caregivers should watch for the signs that a child is being bullied, whether online or in person. They include stopping using all technology devices, being secretive about being on their phone or computer, and losing interest in or avoiding usual activities.
  • Asking open ended questions. Parents can gain information about if a child is being bullied by asking open ended questions and avoiding over-reacting to their responses. By supporting the child and validating their feelings they will help them gain trust in being able to report the issue.
  • Teach self defense. The holiday break is a great time to get kids actively learning how to defend themselves. Most of the time, bullies pick on those they feel are weak and will not fight back. Check with local martial arts centers for winter break martial arts camps and self defense classes, and teach kids how to be more assertive in standing up to bullies.
  • Provide proper training. Teachers and school staff want to help address bullying, but they may not always know how to go about doing so. Provide proper training for them, which will offer practical strategies for preventing and responding to conflict resolution, recognizing bullying, etc.
  • Get more info. Parents, teachers, and community members can get more valuable information on how to address bullying on all levels from Stand for the Silent. They offer a cyberbullying handbook and additional tools.

“We can take steps to get ahead of bullying before it becomes an issue. We are always happy and willing to help any school, community, or other entity to address the issue and help create a kinder environment.” – Kirk Smalley

Bullying Prevention Strategies: A Guide for High School Teachers

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Bullying is a pervasive issue that can negatively impact students’ mental health, academic success, and overall well-being. As high school teachers, you play a vital role in identifying and addressing bullying in your classrooms and schools. With proactive strategies, you can create a safer and more inclusive environment for all students. Below are practical, evidence-based approaches to bullying prevention tailored to your role.

1. Foster a Positive Classroom Culture

A strong classroom culture sets the tone for respectful interactions. Start by establishing clear expectations for behavior and promoting values like kindness, inclusion, and empathy. Celebrate diversity and encourage open discussions about differences, emphasizing that every student is valued and respected. Incorporate these messages into your lesson plans and classroom bulletin boards about bullying prevention.

To further reinforce positive behavior, incorporate social-emotional learning (SEL) into your curriculum. SEL equips students with skills like empathy, communication, and conflict resolution, reducing the likelihood of bullying incidents.

2. Recognize the Signs of Bullying

Bullying can take many forms, including physical, verbal, social, and cyberbullying. Be vigilant for warning signs, such as:

Sudden changes in a student’s behavior, like withdrawal or aggression.

  • Unexplained injuries, damaged belongings, or lost possessions.
  • Reluctance to attend school or participate in social activities.
  • Emotional distress, such as anxiety or sadness.

By staying attentive, you can intervene early and offer support to affected students.

3. Establish Clear Reporting Mechanisms for Bullying Prevention

Ensure students know how to report bullying and feel safe doing so. Create anonymous reporting options to encourage those hesitant to speak up. Communicate clearly that every report will be taken seriously and followed up with appropriate action.

Empower students to advocate for themselves and others. Teach them how to identify bullying and report it effectively, reinforcing that standing up to bullying is a courageous act that can help prevent further harm.

Ensure your school has clear, enforceable anti-bullying policies in place. These policies should define bullying, outline consequences, and describe prevention and intervention strategies. You can be an advocate your administration to adopt these effective policies and support other teachers in identifying and appropriately intervening in bullying behavior.

4. Encourage Parents and Guardians to be Part of Bullying Prevention

Bullying prevention is a community effort. Keep parents informed about school policies, prevention programs, and specific concerns. Partner with them to address bullying incidents, ensuring a unified approach between home and school.

You can also provide parents with resources and training to recognize signs of bullying and help their children navigate these challenges. This could include our Proactive Parent’s Cyberbullying Handbook and other resources like Warning signs for Parents.

5. Leverage Peer Support Programs like Stand For The Silent

Students often respond well to their peers. Implement peer mentoring or student ambassador programs to empower students to model and promote positive behavior. Like our founder Kirk says, “Students have a chance to change the world we live in by taking a stand against bullying and taking a stand to help others”.

Students know about bullying, cyber bullying, violence, drugs, sex abuse, inappropriate relationships, and they know about other students who are struggling because they are being bullied or abused or having an ideation about suicide and self-harm. They’re in a position to advocate, stand up, and educate their peers.

You can help this by telling students about Stand for the Silent, bringing our presentation to your school, or being the adult sponsor for A Stand for the Silent Chapter.

By using these strategies, you can make a significant impact on bullying prevention in your school. A supportive, proactive approach ensures that every student feels safe, valued, and empowered to thrive in a positive learning environment. Together, we can take steps to end bullying and foster a culture of respect and inclusion.

If you want to get more involved, learn about bringing a Stand for the Silent presentation to your school.

5 Crucial Facts to Know for National Bullying Prevention Month

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October is National Bullying Prevention Month, making it an ideal time to examine some of the crucial factors surrounding this hot-button issue. Bullying touches families from coast to coast and in all demographic areas. The more we can shed light on it and learn to understand it, the better equipped we will be as a nation to help prevent it from happening.

“Bullying is an issue that most of us have had to deal with at some point, in one way or another,” says Kirk Smalley, co-founder of Stand for the Silent. “We need to learn more about it and do what we can to take action to help prevent it in our homes, schools and communities.”

According to the American Psychological Association, it is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. This can happen in multiple ways, including words, physical contact, threats, etc. Bullying can be done online and in person.

Some may believe that bullying is not necessarily on the rise but that today, we merely have the means to hear more about it and have become more sensitive to it. Yet, a recent survey by the Boys & Girls Club of America found that 18% of the 140,000 youth who participated reported that they had been cyberbullied in the last year. Social media and smartphones have opened up a whole new avenue of bullying that prior generations didn’t have to contend with.

 Here are 5 crucial bullying facts to become aware of this month:

  • Your child will likely be impacted. Considering how many children are impacted by bullying, there is a good chance your child will as well. Whether they are the bully, the one being bullied, or they are witnessing it, it’s touching the lives of many.
  • Schools may need to do more. While many schools are taking a stand against bullying with zero-tolerance policies, others still need to step up their game. Parents may need to get involved to help schools become more proactive in preventing bullying and creating an atmosphere where it is not tolerated.
  • More people need to get involved. We as a society cannot expect schools to do it all regarding bullying. There is only so much they can do, and they have a lot of students to monitor. Plus, students spend only a certain amount of time at school and the rest of the time at home and in the community. We need communities to get involved so that it becomes an issue and everyone is on the same page and doing what they can to prevent and stop it.
  • Many kids suffer silently from bullying. Some kids tell their parents they are being bullied, and there are many more who suffer in silence. Parents and teachers need to learn all they can about the issue to watch for it and stand up for those who may feel they can’t speak up.
  • Parents may be contributing to the problem. This is sobering for many people to hear, but some parents contribute to the issue. Some forms of parenting create a bully, even if it’s being done with unintentional consequences. Numerous studies have found that particular parenting styles can contribute to creating a bully, including one published in the journal Enfermería Clínica, which found that authoritarian parenting is related to bullying, which is a parenting style that focuses on strict rules, high expectations and little flexibility.

“Some of these are hard facts for people to consider, but we have to if we want to succeed at reducing bullying in our communities,” said Smalley. “Together, there is so much we can do to help reduce bullying and help kids focus on simply being kids.”

Stand for the Silent has a new program, Student Stand Out, which encourage teachers to nominate students who stand out and display excellent behavior and lead by example. Some of the behaviors they hope teachers will recognize and nominate their students for include addressing bullying, being a positive role model, being kind, having good leadership skills, being respectful, having integrity, and more. They also want to emphasize nominating those students who show initiative in helping to end bullying at their school.

Every week throughout the school year, Stand for the Silent will choose one of the nominated students to receive a $50 Visa gift card. At the end of each semester, one student will be selected to win a $100 Visa gift card. There will be two nomination periods, August 1 to December 1 and then from January 1 to April 1. Teachers can nominate as many students as they feel have earned the recognition. For more information about the Student Stand out program, visit the site at: https://standforthesilent.org/schools/standout

Smalley started the anti-bullying organization with his late wife, Laura, after their 11-year-old son committed suicide due to bullying. Having turned their pain and loss into a mission of helping others, he travels the country giving presentations about bullying, among other things. The mission is to help end bullying by raising awareness, sharing the facts, and offering solutions.

Stand for the Silent travels the country, giving presentations about bullying to schools, providing bullying prevention, giving out scholarships, offering intervention strategies, and more. Those interested in getting involved can start a chapter of the group in their area, obtain a free K-2 bullying prevention curriculum or cyberbullying handbook for parents, host a presentation at their school, introduce the How All Started video, and donate to help support the cause. To get more information, visit the site at: https://standforthesilent.org/

Is Stand for the Silent Legit? About Our Fundraising Practices

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You’ve probably found this page because you encountered Stand for the Silent through a presentation, a community outreach event (like a table outside of a store), or perhaps you saw someone wearing our t-shirt, or you read something online or on social media. Now, you’re researching to see if Stand for the Silent is legitimately one of the most effective anti-bullying organizations.

  • Yes, we are a 501(c)(3) organization, founded in 2010.
  • Yes, our work is possible only because of individual donors like you.
  • Yes, we genuinely make an impact on the critical issues of school bullying and teen suicide

Below we hope to answer your questions about how Stand For The Silent is funded and how your donation saves lives by connecting with students, educators, and parents about bullying and the real devastation it causes. Yes, Stand for the Silent is legit and we could use your support.

How does my donation make a difference?

Our Founder Kirk Smalley says “Students have a chance to change the world we live in by taking a stand against bullying and taking a stand to help others.” We want you to be confident that your support makes that vision possible. Stand for the Silent (SFTS) addresses the serious issues of school bullying and teen suicide through compelling and heartfelt presentations at schools, churches, and community organizations. We have reached millions of children nationwide and received thousands of life-saving testimonials. By increasing awareness, we strive to reduce the incidence of suicide. Below are some of the ways we use donations from supporters like you to fulfill that mission.

“Students have a chance to change the world we live in by taking a stand against bullying and taking a stand to help others.” – Kirk Smalley, President & Founder

Free School Presentations

Central to our mission are free school presentations, which aim to raise awareness about the devastation caused by bullying and its link to teen suicide. In 2024, we plan to reach 100,000 children, encouraging them to become allies. Feedback from schools, children, and parents highlights the positive impact of this initiative

Stand for The Silent Assembly
SFTS Founder Kirk Smalley speaks to 300 students at a High School

Scholarship Programs

Our scholarship program is growing rapidly. We recognize students who have made significant contributions to this cause and who have triumphed over bullying. Their profiles are showcased on our website, and we are awarding more scholarships than ever before.

Backpack Program

Our backpack program provides free school supplies to underprivileged children, many of whom are victims of bullying. For these kids, receiving a backpack full of essentials represents more than just supplies; it’s a sign of care and hope, ensuring they have what they need to succeed in school.

Parent and Educator Guides to Bullying

This year, we expanded our reach with free guides for parents like The Proactive Parent’s Cyberbullying Handbook and free bullying prevention lesson plans for K-2 teachers.

Other Giving

Donations support a range of initiatives, including school playgrounds, lunch programs, suicide hotlines, shelters, and camp scholarships. Every dollar contributes to making a difference, with donations carefully allocated based on community needs.

How does Stand For The Silent raise money?

Direct Donations

We meet many of our donors at powerful presentations that shed light on the devastating impacts of bullying. These events in high schools, elementary schools, and community centers have reached over 4.15 million students since 2010. They play a crucial role in our mission to prevent teen suicide. Parents and community members like you are often moved to contribute after seeing the impact of our work and want to make these free school presentations possible all over the country. Donations are collected both at presentations and online.

Fundraisers/Fundraising Team Community Outreach

We work with a variety of fundraising teams across the country. You may see our fundraisers working at tables in front of retail, restaurants, and grocery stores. These fundraisers are independent offices that partner with SFTS to engage in nationwide community outreach.

Because of our fundraisers, we see, on average, 500 people per week per event. That adds up to thousands of people per week and millions per year that SFTS interacts with due to our fundraising teams. This helps spread SFTS’ message further than ever- with the ultimate goal to get SFTS into more schools in more states.

They are available to help educate the community about SFTS, advocate for our causes, and disseminate SFTS information, including our website and how to contact us.

Message Focused Apparel and Educational Materials

We raise funds from the sale of Stand for the Silent apparel and educational materials. When people wear Stand for the Silent t-shirts and sweatshirts, they’re creating opportunities to spark meaningful conversations while supporting our mission.

Is there a cost to your fundraising efforts?

Of course. We want to be transparent about that. In addition to the cost of organizing and free school presentations, there is a cost for things like producing Stand for the Silent apparel and paying our community outreach teams. However, not only do these efforts raise money to support our mission focused work, they’re also part of building human connections and starting real conversations about bullying and the real devastation it causes.

Transparency

If you’re asking if Stand for the Silent is legit, you may turn to trusted organizations like GuideStar and Charity Navigator. On GuideStar we have an excellent transparency score. We are in the process of sending updated materials to Charity Navigator. Once complete, Charity Navigator will better reflect the organization’s transparency and impact.

Still have more questions! Send an email to contact@standforthesilent.org and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can.

For any media inquiries, please visit us at https://standforthesilent.com/who-we-are/media/

Stand for the Silent

Founded in 2010, Stand For The Silent’s program addresses the issue of school bullying with an engaging, factual, and emotional methodology. Through this unique approach, lives are changed for the better.

“A Safe Place” Podcast Interview of Kirk Smalley, president of Stand for the Silent

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Recently podcast host Luis Aponte interviewed Kirk Smalley, president of Stand for the Silent, on his show “A Safe Place.” Luis is an author, filmmaker,  U.S. Air Force veteran and the founder of Dragon Film Productions. Luis’ school shooting-related article is currently in press with the peer-reviewed EDUCATION journal.

When I began this podcast, I never imagined that I would meet real live superheroes. Kirk Smalley is the President of StandForTheSilent.org. This nonprofit organization was started in 2010 by a group of high school students in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma after they heard the story of Kirk’s son, Ty who committed suicide after standing up to bullies in his school. Stand for the Silent has chapters in 40 states and 18 different countries. Kirk’s organization has spoken with 4,911 schools and over 3.5 million children in order to help prevent bullying. The positive impact that Kirk has made in this world will last for generations and it was an honor to speak with him, even for just 30 minutes. I hope you are as touched and inspired by his story as I am.

I am forever humbled by the strength of those who muster the courage and strength to make a positive change in this world when they have suffered so much pain and grief. I only hope if I ever experienced such pain that I would have the strength to do the same. Kirk Smalley and Lori Alhadeff (from my 2nd podcast) are true superheroes.

To check out Kirk’s interview on the “A Safe Place” website, click here.

Cyberbullying: See Something, Say Something, Do Something.

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Cyberbullying, the use of electronic devices to harass, shame, incite and humiliate, is imposing a devastating impact on today’s youth.

According to the Cyberbullying Research Center, between 2007 and 2019, the percentage of youth experiencing cyberbullying rose from 18% to 37%. Cyberbullying is now cited as a leading contributor to teenage suicide, as well as scarring the mental health, social development, academic progress, and emotional resilience of countless survivors. According to a report published in 2019 by the CDC, 33% of middle school students, 30% of high school students, and 5% of primary school students have experienced incidents of cyberbullying.

An algorithm developed by Area 23, the top global health advertising agency, revealed 70,000 cyberbullying posts and 300 suicide attempts in the United States during a 24 hour period. Most recently on Dec. 18, 2021, The Wall Street Journal published an article titled “‘Spilling the Tea,’ the Cyberbullying Tactic Plaguing Schools, Parents and Students”, which addresses a frightening emerging new form of cyberbullying that uses social media accounts with the word “tea” in the titles being used to spread rumors, false information, and comments written with the purpose of instigating fights. The easy access to a wide range of devices, the ever-increasing array of social media platforms, the stress of the pandemic, in combination with returning to the uncertainties of classroom learning, escalate the danger even further.

THE LAUNCH OF SOCIAL BULLETS
In response to the rising tide of concern of cyberbullying, Stand for the Silent, a 501 (c)(3) non-profit organization, developed Social Bullets, which is an online website and program designed to raise awareness, intervene and prevent online abuse.

With the essential components of the Social Bullets website and program established, Stand for the Silent is now focusing its efforts on bringing this resource to the attention of local community services and national organizations. These groups serve a crucial role in getting Social Bullets into the hands of those who can likely make the most use of its resources.

Most recently on January 19, 2022, Social Bullets was introduced to parents in the City of Manassas, Virginia through partnering with Officer TJ Rodriguez, Community Vitality Officer, who along with Officer John Hlebinsky developed the Parent E 3 Series, which was designed to engage, educate, and empower parents of at-risk youth. The Project is sponsoring a six-week program to provide parents, in their school community of 7,200 students, with information and tools on topics related to youth well-being, including bullying. According to Officer Rodriquez, the thrust of the series is to “equip parents and youth to put down phones and instead engage in the necessary conversations. A more informed and engaged parent and caregiver provide stronger and healthier relationships with their children.”

“…Equip parents and youth to put down phones and instead engage in the necessary conversations. A more informed and engaged parent and caregiver provide stronger and healthier relationships with their children.” — Officer TJ Rodriguez, Community Vitality Officer, Manassas City Police Department

STAND FOR THE SILENT’S REACH
Stand for the Silent (SFTS) was founded in 2010 by Kirk and Laura Smalley to honor their son Ty’s memory. He died by suicide, after being suspended from school for retaliating against a student who had bullied him for over two year years. Its mission is to increase awareness and prevent the ravaging consequences of all forms of bullying. Their record of high visibility and impact on youth is widely recognized. Since 2010, SFTS has reached 3.28 million kids in 4,726 schools with their school-wide assemblies.

ABOUT THE SOCIAL BULLETS PROGRAM
Working with professionals in the mental health field, SFTS’s Social Bullets team developed the website Social Bullets, the educational Social Bullets video, and the online free of charge, easily downloaded Social Bullets Cyberbullying Survival Guide. The guide is a practical and action-oriented resource for use by parents, guardians, and other adult role models, including schools, who are in the roles of safeguarding youth.

The core theme of Social Bullets is “SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING. The Guide was written by Karen S. Goldberg (Licensed Clinical Social Worker/Psychotherapist), who for the past 45 years provided psychotherapy and related mental health services to children, teenagers, adults, couples, and families, as well as served as Clinical Director to a non-profit that served 150 public and private schools in Washington, DC Metro area.

Planned for the first quarter of 2022 is further extending the reach of Social Bullets’ resources, particularly to those populations and geographic areas with more limited access. In addition, the development of a Peer-to-Peer Cyberbullying Intervention Program is already underway. This new component of Social Bullets is aimed at helping youth to protect themselves and will be implemented by school systems, recreation organizations, and other agencies devoted to supporting the well-being of young people.

To learn more about the Social Bullets program and to download the Cyberbullying Survival Guide, visit https://standforthesilent.org/for-parents/stopcyberbullying/

To learn more about the Manassas Police Department’s Parent E3 Series and the upcoming events in the Northern Virginia area, click here.  

Heard of helicopter parents? Helicopter siblings on the rise

Posted on by Stand For The Silent

Stacy Hawkins, a 30-year-old mother of three, recently told The Wall Street Journal that her 12-year old girl and 13-year-old boy have a remarkable relationship: They parent each other.

Hawkins, in a conversation with reporter Charlie Wells, said “nothing is off limits … from why one sibling shouldn’t watch a certain movie on Netflix to how the other should organize his bedroom. When arguments get out of hand, the parents take what they call the ‘Romeo and Juliet’ approach: Both children get punished, even if just one was trying to control.”

Hawkins’s young children exhibit the kind of behavior that older siblings increasingly push into their digital lives: the use of smartphones to monitor their brothers and sisters such as with location-based app at top of the toolbox.

The trend ranges from preteens all the way up to 40-year-old bachelors, apparently: The Journal caught up with a man who dropped in to a restaurant to see his brother, who was on a first date. The men pretended it was coincidental, but it was in fact intended to relieve pressure!

On social media, Mom and Dad might be friends with their daughter on Facebook or Instagram, but they don’t see the app as she sees it: a stream complete with the posts, retweets and replies of a full — and many times private — social circle.

Siblings, on the other hand, might have greater access. They’re more likely to follow friends of their brothers and sisters on social media and have a more complete picture of what transcends our kids’ digital worlds into real life, the Journal reported.

Combine that with the family locator technology, which shows everyone’s location on a map (even the parents, if they choose), and siblings are armed with more information than ever before.

Jonathan Caspi, an expert on sibling relationships, told the newspaper that the cause may be rooted in “intimacy imbalance,” or the desire of one sibling to feel more connected with the other.

An expert on sibling relationships told The Wall Street Journal that helicopter siblings may be rooted in “intimacy imbalance,” or the desire of one sibling to feel more connected with the other.

There’s a huge tie-in with parents here, as well: Other experts pointed out in the Journal piece that siblings may turn to sibling-hovering because they feel overly controlled by a parent, because they’re modeling their parents’ behavior or because they’re trying to manage stress. This comes at a time when 15 percent of grade-school age children are left in the care of their sibling, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

Clearly, each sibling pair will defy classification. If one sibling is merely gathering information to use against the other, that can quickly erode trust. Of course, armed with information parents may not have, siblings can act as interpreters of day-to-day drama, keeping both sides from misunderstanding.

They can also keep secrets, too. So is a helicopter sibling a parent’s dream come true?

There are too many variables for a straight answer. So much depends on the family dynamic. But parents should be aware that their good or bad behavior could spur a helicopter sibling, and that a dominant sibling is going to alter what trust — and authority — looks like in your home.

Cyberbullying: Advocates for victims speak out

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Kirk Smalley, of Perkins, Oklahoma, is president of Stand for the Silent, an anti-bullying organization that has reached more than 3.2 million children through talks at 4,276 schools across the United States. In his talks, Smalley retells the devastating story of the day his son, Ty, took his life after years of being bullied. Since then, telling children they can make a difference has been his full-time job — his schedule shows more than 275 days on the road annually.

The problem touches every school in the country. One of every four students reported being bullied during the school year, according to figures released recently by the National Center for Educational Statistics (NCES). The suicide risk for bullied children increases threefold, and many cases go unreported.

“I get messages either on Facebook or Twitter or email, literally by the hundreds and thousands,” Smalley said. “I get them from kids who say, ‘I was going to kill myself until I heard you speak.’ I get them from bullies who say, ‘I never knew what I do could cause this. I’m going to stop. I’m going to try my hardest to make it stop.’ I get them from the victims of bullying who say, ‘I’m glad somebody is willing to do something.’”

Smalley urges parents to monitor social media for signs of bullying, so that parents can find out who is bothering their child and take immediate steps to correct the problem. Deleting social media accounts doesn’t help, he said, because the attacks can then continue behind a child’s back, and away from a parent’s supervision.

“We don’t really grasp the concept of how kids rely on communication through social media,” he said. “A lot of times the parents don’t realize what the kids are doing online.”

Is the problem getting better or worse? While bullying is still a serious problem in schools across the country, there is evidence that awareness, legislation and activism are working. In 2019, about 22 percent of students ages 12–18 reported being physically bullied at school during the school year, which was lower than the percentage reported in 2009 (28 percent), according to The National Center for Education Statistics.

Unfortunately the trends with cyberbullying are quite different. The COVID-19 pandemic has led to an increase in kids and teens using digital platforms. As schoolwork has moved home, so has bullying and harassment. More children are using online platforms to socialize during their quarantine and social distancing. Concurrently, there has been a notable increase in levels of bullying and abusive language among children.

Across communication channels on social media and popular chat forums, L1ght, a tech company that created artificial intelligence guardrails to curb online toxicity on company’s online platforms, has identified an 70% uptick in instances of hate speech between kids and teens during online chats. In fact, about 37% of young people between the ages of 12 and 17 have been bullied online; 30% have had it happen more than once, according to NCES.

Cyberbullies can conceal their behavior. Some apps, most prominently Snapchat, deliver images to other users that quickly disappear, making it difficult for parents or victims to prove an incident has occurred. Other apps, sometimes called “photo vault” apps, can hide messages, files and photos behind a screen that looks innocuous, such as a calculator. One app called Private Photo Vault even offers a premium, paid feature that allows users to set a “decoy” password that opens a separate photo library to give the illusion of access.

What should you do if your child is being cyberbullied by a classmate?

Kevin Epling, a prominent anti-bullying advocate in Michigan and national co-director of Bully Police USA, has this advice. “If apparently something is happening, the base response is to try to save everything you possibly can, whether it be on your phone or your computer. That becomes proof,” said Epling, whose son took his own life in 2002 after a hazing incident. “Then get your school’s policy. All states now have a law, but they vary on what they cover. Correspond the law with your school’s policy (so) you’re better armed to ask questions. Also look very closely with how they treat technology — many will only hold students accountable if it’s school equipment.”

To check the bullying legislation in your state, visit https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/laws

Cellphones in class: A changing conversation

Posted on by Stand For The Silent

Does your child’s school allow cellphones? You may be surprised that policies can vary even within districts and that those policies may contradict your own rules for cellphone use during school.

Schools in the Houston Unified School District, which at more than 215,000 students has the largest enrollment in Texas and seventh largest in the U.S., have mixed rules for allowing cellphones in school. The district provides guidelines but largely leaves the rules to school-level administrators.

As personal devices enter more classrooms nationwide, a Houston educator told Stand for the Silent (SFTS) that the city strikes a balance between aggressive technological initiatives — this year, the division will issue every high-schooler an HP Elitebook laptop — and the preference of some of its communities to leave personal devices in lockers.

“I see a lot of different schools, and I see some that are more successful than others,” said Samantha Rosenthal, an education technology specialist who has worked for the Houston Independent School District since 1989. “It’s a bell curve. It’s a range. There are people who don’t want that in the classroom at all. … I believe that the (most) successful will lie somewhere in the middle, in bringing in elements of what makes people comfortable, what makes instruction effective and engaging. There is no blanket answer for everyone.”

Do personal devices support learning? A recent study that found students performed better on exams under a cellphone ban has been used to cast doubt on New York’s reversal. But Lisa Nielsen, director of digital literacy and citizenship at the New York City Department of Education, told SFTS that cellphones are a distraction only “when they are apart” from learning.

“When teachers discover how to effectively incorporate cellphones into learning, they can become tools of engagement”
— Lisa Nielsen, director of digital literacy and citizenship, NYC Department of Education

She said the process begins with teachers becoming familiar with their own devices before modeling proper use to students. Then, homework assignments with a cellphone component are issued. This helps parents become used to the idea that cellphones and schoolwork can coexist, she said.

“We are providing training for teachers and parent coordinators to strengthen the home- school connection with cellphones,” Nielsen said. “In these trainings, parent coordinators and teachers learn to use tools like Remind, Cel.ly, Flickr, Twitter and Poll Everywhere to reach out to families to celebrate student work, get feedback, send reminders and more.”

Nielsen sent us what she called “building blocks” before cellphones are introduced in the classroom:

Student/family agreements or notification.

Use a curriculum like Common Sense Education or Everfi to teach students about safety and etiquette.

Establish classroom management procedures such as instructing students to place phones face down on the corner of their desk when they are not being used for learning.

Develop a responsible use policy with students, and encourage students to keep one another on track.

Plan interactive lessons that incorporate the use of cellphones, and ask students for input on suggested digital resources.