Category: Digital Parenting

Understanding the Roots of Bullying Behavior in Children: Parental Influences and Interventions

Posted on by Casey Bloom

Bullying is prevalent in the United States, negatively impacting all youth involved, including those who get bullied, those who bully others, and those who witness the bullying.

The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) says this problem is so common that one in five high school students report getting bullied.

How do parents influence children to develop bullying behavior at home? What actions can you take as a parent to help address bullying tendencies among children?

This article discusses how parents and the home environment influence bullying behavior in children. It also discusses the various interventions that can help minimize or prevent bullying tendencies among children.

Studies have shown that children’s bullying behavior may be influenced by family, friends, school, or the community. At home, the parents can cause children to develop bullying tendencies.

Identifying the roots of such behavior in children can help concerned individuals address bullying more effectively.

For example, attachment parenting, as described in “Parenting: Pros & Cons, 8 Principles, & 7 Baby Bs”, may help children experience their parents’ love and warmth at a very young age. As they grow older, this bond may help them be comfortable expressing their feelings without becoming defensive.

Read on to learn more about parental influences that can lead to bullying behavior and the interventions that can help address bullying.

How Parents Influence Bullying Behavior Among Children

Research shows that genetic factors may contribute to 61% of the variation in bullying behavior. Despite these findings, experts haven’t established with certainty how families impact bullying behavior, even after considering hereditary influences.

Still, studies suggest that, aside from school, community, and peer influences, one’s family, including the parents, can contribute to the bullying and victimization dynamic.

And when it comes to the perpetration of bullying, researchers have associated it with various family characteristics that include the following:

  • Poor parental supervision
  • Parental conflict
  • Domestic violence
  • Parental abuse
  • Authoritarian parenting
  • Poor parental communication
  • Inappropriate discipline
  • Family members’ gang involvement
  • Lack of parental emotional support
  • Negative family environment

Some kids who bully often only copy the behavior they see at home. For example, children who witness unkind and aggressive interactions with their parents may accept such acts as acceptable and treat others the same way.

Findings on family characteristics that perpetrate bullying appear consistent with concerned individuals’ arguments that poor parental supervision and aggressive modeling (related to how reward and punishment affect aggressive behavior) may lead to bullying.

When a perpetrator bullies a targeted youth, the act may inflict psychological, physical, social, or educational harm or distress on the victim.

Common ways of bullying include:

  • Physical bullying: Hitting, tripping, and kicking
  • Verbal bullying: Teasing and name-calling
  • Relational or social bullying: Spreading of rumors and being left out of the group
  • Property damage: Destroying the victim’s property

Interventions to Help Address Bullying Tendencies

Bullying prevention approaches shown to be most effective usually confront the issue from many angles and involve the school community. This community consists of students, families, teachers, administrators, and school staff working to promote and create a culture of respect.

If you’re a parent, one way to contribute to addressing bullying is to keep your behavior in check. Think about how you talk when your kids are around and how you handle problems and conflicts.

If you behave aggressively toward or in front of your children, there’s a good chance that they’ll follow your example. So be mindful of your actions as they may reflect what you want your kids to do.

Also, ensure your kids understand that you don’t tolerate bullying at home or anywhere else, and be firm with your conditions. Set bullying rules and reasonable but meaningful punishments if your child breaks the rules.

For example, if your child starts bullying others on social networking, consider taking away their computer privileges for a specific period.

Aside from setting rules, teach your kids to respect and treat others with kindness. Try to instill empathy for people of different races, genders, appearances, special needs, and economic statuses in your children.

Positive reinforcement rather than negative discipline is also an effective way to encourage good behavior. Consider noticing your kids doing good deeds; when they handle situations positively, praise them for their actions.

Sometimes, your child’s social life may influence their behavior in ways you don’t know about. Learn about your child’s social life and look for insights into what may affect their behavior.

You can talk to their teachers, guidance counselors, and parents of their classmates and friends. You may discover what challenges kids face at school or if other kids bully. Talk to your kids about those challenges and relationships so you can intervene when needed.

Bullying is preventable if you understand and address the factors that expose children to or protect them from such violence. Studies show that adults can help prevent bullying by encouraging children to do what they love, modeling respect and kindness, educating kids about bullying, and seeking help.

References

  1. Fast Fact: Preventing Bullying – https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/youthviolence/bullyingresearch/fastfact.html
  2. Understanding the Psychology of Bullying: Moving Toward a Social-Ecological Diathesis–Stress Model – https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/amp-a0038929.pdf
  3. Teaching Kids Not to Bully – https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/no-bullying.html
  4. Facts About Bullying – https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/facts

Children’s Online Safety

Posted on by Teresa Siqueira

Technology is integral to a child’s life. They will see it everywhere from birth and will inevitably grow up using it. It can be extremely educational, help build skills, and be a creative outlet. It can also be dangerous — predators, hackers, and other threats use technology to hurt others. We’ll teach you how to protect your children from the wide variety of threats out there, including the over-usage of technology itself. By knowing the risks and having the tools available, you can make technology work for you and your youngsters.

Kids and Tech

Fast Facts

  • 88% of children use the TV
  • 67% of children use a tablet
  • 60% of children use a smartphone
  • 44% of children use a laptop or gaming device

Technology is here to stay. Our children will grow with it and want to utilize it throughout their lives. While not all parents may agree with kids’ use of technology, cultivating skills and literacy with tech and the internet is increasingly important for school and work later in life. Here are some ideas to incorporate tech literacy at every age.

Ages 2 – 5

While technology typically isn’t at the center of every preschooler’s life, the reality of parenting is that kids do get more screentime than most of us would like. For young kids, it’s good to model behaviors that normalize doing non-tech things. Be intentional about putting your phone down for conversations and playtime, and resist the urge to take pictures to document each day of life. While there’s nothing wrong with photos, it’s important to show kids how life is when our phones are put away.

Ages 6 – 9

Smartphone, computer, and tablet games are likely already a part of your child’s life. Now is an important time to set boundaries for screen time, as well as encourage healthy “offline” activities. Exercise and good rest are key to growing bodies, and blue light can interfere with sleeping patterns. Encourage kids to balance their tech time going outdoors, moving their bodies, and socializing in real life. Screen time modes can be used on Apple and Android, but it’s also very important to have a sit-down conversation about these boundaries.

Ages 9 – 11

As children begin using the internet even more at school for research and reports, now is a great time to talk about information bias, journalism, and fake news. Some great resources for learning about bias on the internet include:

  • BBC iReporter tool to understand why bias exists in the news today
  • Fake or Real? headline game to learn how easy it is for fake information to seem real
  • Harmony Square game to better understand how fake news spreads

Ages 12 and beyond

By this point, children are highly internet and technology literate. This is an important time to speak to them about being a good digital citizen, avoiding cyberbullying (we’ll talk more about this later), and thinking about their long-term online presence. Remind them that what you post on the internet follows you forever, so making good choices today can avoid embarrassing and harmful issues later in life.

At this age, many kids are also learning about potential future careers in the internet and technology industries. If your teen shows a propensity toward all things digital, exploring those career paths can help them feel more confident about the future. Here are some great resources to learn about digital careers:

Risks of the Internet

The internet is a way of life for most of us. That said, it’s important to be aware of the damaging risks of the internet and to have conversations about these risks with your kids.

Explicit content. The list includes content containing swearing, depictions of violence against animals, gambling, unmoderated chat rooms, sites that encourage unlawful, cruel, or harmful behavior (think racism, suicide, eating disorders, terrorism), pornography, and sexism.

Some platforms have age ratings you can check for their content. Youtube rates music videos in the Partner Rating. Like in film, the major streaming services have ratings on their shows. Age ratings on apps can be helpful, but they don’t necessarily consider all the risks (such as chatting with strangers). Online games use a Pegi rating (PEGI 3 – PEGI 18) to indicate appropriate age ranges. All social media, by US law, is aged 13 and up.

Interacting with strangers. There’s a high possibility of children online speaking to strangers. Research shows that 40% of children aged 9 – 12 have talked to strangers online. Those numbers only get more alarming the more they’re broken down. Of those, 53% gave their phone number to the stranger, 30% texted strangers from their personal devices, and 15% attempted to meet the stranger. The best way to prevent this is through education.

Children don’t understand that these strangers could simply be lying. Teach them about the dangers, so they know. It helps to ask many questions and get involved in their online games. By investing time to educate your kids, you can protect them better.

The dark web. Another potential risk is the dark web, an entirely anonymous place on the internet, only accessible through a specific software called TOR. While the dark web isn’t illegal, its anonymity makes any illicit behavior hard to track and laws challenging to enforce.

To protect from this, there are excellent privacy filters you can set up across all devices. A VPN, or a virtual private network, can provide a great additional security measure. One of the best ways to help is to continually build your child’s critical thinking. If they can figure out a dubious site or detail, it can really help them steer clear of these harmful sites. Parental control apps are the best way to manage your child’s online presence. They filter content, block specific apps and sites, set screen time limits, monitor calls, texts, social media, and more. Most of these cost an annual subscription anywhere from $10 – $100/year.

Hacks and data leaks. Hackers may try to gain access to accounts, as well as embarrassing or harmful information about you, then extort you with that information. Children online are susceptible to this because they may not understand the importance of a strong internet password or two-step verification. They may not know how others can turn their private photos against them. As with the rest of these threats, education is critical. Communicate so your child knows what can go wrong.

Cybersecurity 101

As discussed, hacking and data leaks are an important risk to be aware of on the internet. Just like most risks, it’s important to talk to your children early and often about data security and avoiding hackers. Set ground rules with your kids to keep them safe, but be sure to keep an open-door policy to encourage them to come to you if they fear they’ve downloaded a virus. Ground rules can include:

  • I won’t download anything onto the computer without an adult present. This is often when “exploit kits” from harmful websites are downloaded and viruses install themselves. Other viruses to keep an eye out for are worms, which spread on their own accord by multiplying themselves. Trojans masquerade as real programs, such as anti-virus programs, so it takes over when a user boots it up. Ransomware is when a program holds your PC hostage unless you pay (now in cryptocurrency) to get it back. Adware is invasive ads designed to take you to fake sites.
  • I won’t click on links that are sent to me by people I do not know. Clicking on web or email links can lead to inappropriate or harmful content.
  • I will only use the computer in a shared space, like the living room or kitchen. This can help ensure that an adult can monitor the child’s activity and act quickly if a cybersecurity threat happens.

A strong cybersecurity system is an excellent defense against these threats. Anti-virus programs stop a lot of these from running. They can include anti-phishing and prevent you from opening malicious links. You can get programs with web camera protection so a hacker can’t take it over and spy on the user. Content blockers are also helpful.

Another major aid in the fight against viruses is a VPN or virtual private network. It can come with antivirus and malware protection, making it difficult to hack if you’re on wifi with a weak password, such as something public.

Password protection is another great way to stay sharp on the internet. Consider different passwords for everything. If you have only one, and someone gets it, they have all your passwords. You can also use a password manager, which remembers your passwords for you and stores them for future use. Great options include LastPass, Dashlane, KeePass, or 1Password.

IoT Devices

Access to the internet isn’t limited to just phones, tablets, and computers. Remember the many devices that are in your home that can become a cybersecurity threat. Be sure that these are password-protected and that you know how the data collected is being used.

IoT Toys

IoT (Internet of Things) are the everyday gadgets that connect to the internet outside our mobile devices — fitness Trackers, digital watches, and any “smart” technology. If it connects to the internet or can be controlled via Bluetooth or a phone app, it’s an IoT.

IoTs are a growing phenomenon, and it’s uncertain how much data they collect from children. It’s also possible for children to get around parental controls through these devices, allowing them to see explicit content or spend money. They’re vulnerable to hacking.

Like everything else, setting up parental controls and privacy is the first step towards keeping your IoT and children safe. Keep an eye on the data saved on your devices. Talk to your children about them, so they understand.

Smart Security Cameras

Smart cameras are security cameras and baby monitors you would use to see the activity inside your home. They connect to the internet, so you can watch via a live feed and even possibly record the event. If someone hacks their way into the camera, they can see what you’re seeing.

If the camera comes with a default password, change it. A good password connects three random words. Regularly update the camera. Updates usually contain many security enhancements to products. If you don’t need to view security footage, disable it remotely. Generally, teaching your children to cover their cameras, such as webcams, is good practice.

Cyberbullying

As we discussed earlier, cyberbullying and your child’s digital citizenship are critical for a healthy relationship with peers and potentially their future success. Easy to spread and very difficult to stop, cyberbullying is defined as  sending or posting harmful, false, malicious, and damaging content about someone else. It can also be intentionally sharing embarrassing or private personal information about someone intending to humiliate. 37% of teenagers claim to be bullied online, with 30% claiming it happened more than once. Of those surveyed, girls tend to be more likely to be perpetrators and victims of cyberbullying.

Currently, most states in the US have both cyberbullying laws and policies to back them up. However, if you live in a state where only laws exist, things can become a little more tricky. Be sure to review your state’s law and policy yourself and with your child. While your child hopefully will never need to face the law, it can help them better understand the seriousness of being on both the giving and receiving sides of cyberbullying.

State by State Cyberbullying Laws
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Preventing cyberbullying

Cyberbullying creates an enormous sense of rejection, leading to feeling anxious, ashamed, nervous, and insecure. Victims of cyberbullying tend to withdraw from their friends and family. They experience high amounts of guilt and think of themselves negatively or self-talk to themselves cruelly.

Be sure to speak to your kids about setting online boundaries to protect themselves and their peers. These boundaries can include things like:

  • Keep private stuff private, including your phone number and details about where you live.
  • Which photos can and can’t be shared (and why).  they can share and why that’s important
  • Discuss location sharing, which can let strangers see where everyone is at all times.

Education is a great tool. Teach your children to think about their posts before they publish them. You can teach them social media etiquette as well and take away access to their screens if they ignore it. Another great strategy is to have a social media audit monthly to ensure everything is okay.

If a child does experience cyberbullying, they mustn’t respond in any way. Tell them to take screenshots of the harassment and then report the cyberbullies. Once reported, block the bullies. It also helps to encourage your child to be a good bystander if they witness this. As a parent, be sure to keep an eye out for signs your child is experiencing cyberbullying and don’t be afraid to ask if something is going on online.

10 Signs of Cyberbullying
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Here are some numbers to keep in mind. 85% of teens use Youtube regularly. 72% use Instagram, and 70% use Snapchat. 51% are on Facebook, and 32% are on Twitter. Social media isn’t all doom and gloom. It promotes a social connection, and the oxytocin one gets from receiving a like or positive comment is relatively easy to obtain. Of course, it has the power to incur the opposite effect for negative comments. But it can foster education, creativity, and globalization. Aside from the security risks, the downsides are addiction and lack of focus.

If your child is being cyberbullied, follow the steps outlined above. Listen to them, and help them make a plan for dealing with it. They’ll need guidance, free from judgment or retaliation.

State Bullying Law Resources
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Monitor Your Child’s Technology Use

As a parent, you have a lot of tools at your fingertips to monitor and guide your child’s internet use.

Parental controls. Some great apps you can check out are Net Nanny, which comes highly recommended; Canopy, which is relatively basic but inexpensive; Qustodio; and Bark, which has a great notification response to potential danger.

Parental controls will block inappropriate content, intervene in risky situations, monitor screen and online time, as well as prevent unauthorized spending. They limit your child’s privacy, and a clever kid can find ways around them. They can’t stop predators from talking to your children. It’s up to you to check conversations and identify the problem. In the same way, it’s fundamental to be aware and prevent the ways in which kids may bypass parental controls. Keep in mind that these are only tools that can help you, but your supervision remains essential.

Screen time. Check out the advice on how much screen time a child should have based on age. It’s good to have parental controls whenever your child is online. You can always lessen the control more and more as the child grows and as you both communicate effectively about their online behavior.

Privacy settings. They’re no silver bullet, but they do indicate what a program is allowed to gather and utilize. For best practices, use the strictest set of privacy policies possible. On social media, set whether your posts are private or public. Control who can “tag” you. Turn off location tracking — it doesn’t need to know where you are. If you have the option, make your profile “invisible” from search engines.

Digital Detox for Children

A digital detox takes steps away from screens to create a balance. The idea is to have a healthy relationship with electronics rather than be glued to them. If your child argues every time a screen is turned off or is dependent on screens for entertainment, that’s a good sign they need a digital detox.

Excessive screen time can cause increased aggression, sleep issues, and social problems (like communication or difficulty recognizing people’s faces). A digital detox can improve one’s feelings and give one a sense of contentment. It can improve productivity and sleep, and it encourages more healthy behavior. Here are some ways that you as a family can exercise digital detox:

Create tech-free areas in your home, such as the dinner table or certain play areas. Bedrooms are great places for a tech-free zone. Ensure there’s a place to put the tech near the room, so your youngster can leave it where it belongs.

Set and respect screen time rules. Some great apps are around to assist you, such as Offtime, Flipid, and Space. Once you’re off the tech, consider some activities that suit your child’s interest. Set a good example, and follow these rules yourself. Kids have an extreme sense of fairness, and if you can do it, they’ll also know they can.

Set “offline” family traditions. Does your child like to dance, play games, or go for walks? Find their offline love language and set daily, weekly, or monthly traditions that celebrate bonding time with technology put away. By creating routines around digital detoxes and no-tech zones, you can create a very healthy balance between this world and the digital one.

Taking Advantage of Technology

Technology has some great uses for children. It is a wonderful source of education, puzzles, art, and entertainment. You can make technology work well for you and your child with great educational videos and skill-building apps. If your child does have their own phone, location tracking software can provide peace of mind so you know where they are. Be certain to teach your child how to stay safe and be vigilant. Technology is a double-edged sword, but for all its flaws, it can be pretty awesome too.

Teaching Your Child Life Skills to Boost Their Self-Confidence

Posted on by Kay Hall

Self-confidence is key in a human being’s professional, social, and family life, and the good news for parents of young children is that it is easy to build! Unlike self-esteem, which is more inward facing and which relates to our own sense of self and how we interact with others, self-confidence is outward-facing. It can be achieved through knowledge and practice. Essentially, the more your child does something, the more confident they become in their ability to do it well. When your child is confident about themselves, it impacts their whole person—including their self-esteem or sense of worth. They are also more likely to brave bullying, school stress, and social tensions with greater resilience, and to feel more secure and motivated about their personal achievements and their ability to relate to others. While there are a host of skills you can choose to share with your child, the following may provide you with a little inspiration.

Encouraging Them to Develop a Growth Mentality

A fixed mentality encourages the idea that each of us are born with set intelligences, abilities, and talents and that these remain unchanged throughout our lifetime. A growth mentality, on the other hand, involves seeing all these characteristics as things we can change and develop over a lifetime. Teaching your child to adopt a growth mentality begins by seeing “failure,” “mistakes,” and “losses” as the biggest opportunities for growth. When your child faces an obstacle, encourage them to take a solutions-based approach and to strategize how they will approach this obstacle the next time. Talk to them about times in your own life in which persistence, hard work, and a positive frame of mind enabled you to achieve goals you may have “failed” at many times previously. If they are being bullied, focus on steps they, their teachers, and you can all take to nip it in the bud. Let them know that bullying can seem like an insurmountable obstacle, but in fact, it can be pulverized when you have a strong team of warriors by your side.

Letting Kids Play a Key Role at Home

It is logical for parents to protect children from common household risks such as burns, falls, and slips, but as your child moves from toddlerhood to childhood, it is important to find them tasks such as doing the laundry, ironing, and cooking. Of course, all these activities have their dangers. However, when your child is mature enough to listen to your instructions and work well under your supervision, they can easily take charge of some of these chores. Start out by teaching your child safe cooking techniques such as stepping up on a stool to reach the workbench, using non-slip bowls so that food remains in the pan instead of the floor, wearing oven mitts to avoid getting burned, and wearing an apron to stay clean. They may make a mess at first when using equipment like whisks and rolling pins, but if you keep them out of the kitchen indefinitely, they could end up going to college without knowing how to cook nutritious meals.

Letting Your Child Be Your Guide

Parents can sometimes sign their children up for activities such as swimming, ballet, or martial arts, since all these activities have a wealth of benefits for a child’s strength, flexibility, balance, and more. However, children can be very busy and have a limited number of hours for extracurricular activities. Therefore, it is important to employ their valuable free time in activities that motivate them. There are many ways to encourage your child’s passion that don’t necessarily involve driving them places or wasting too much time. These include signing them up for online classes, buying them reading, and visual material related to their favorite hobby, and making sure they have all the materials they need if they are into creative or scientific pursuits.

Boosting your child’s self-confidence can have a positive effect on their self-esteem or sense of self-worth. From the time your kids are very young, encourage them to have a “can do” attitude when it comes to learning home, school, and extracurricular skills. Invite them to cook meals alongside you, let them choose their preferred activities, and encourage them to see mistakes and arguably the best opportunity for growth and improvement.

Cyberbullying: See Something, Say Something, Do Something.

Posted on by Stand For The Silent

Cyberbullying, the use of electronic devices to harass, shame, incite and humiliate, is imposing a devastating impact on today’s youth.

According to the Cyberbullying Research Center, between 2007 and 2019, the percentage of youth experiencing cyberbullying rose from 18% to 37%. Cyberbullying is now cited as a leading contributor to teenage suicide, as well as scarring the mental health, social development, academic progress, and emotional resilience of countless survivors. According to a report published in 2019 by the CDC, 33% of middle school students, 30% of high school students, and 5% of primary school students have experienced incidents of cyberbullying.

An algorithm developed by Area 23, the top global health advertising agency, revealed 70,000 cyberbullying posts and 300 suicide attempts in the United States during a 24 hour period. Most recently on Dec. 18, 2021, The Wall Street Journal published an article titled “‘Spilling the Tea,’ the Cyberbullying Tactic Plaguing Schools, Parents and Students”, which addresses a frightening emerging new form of cyberbullying that uses social media accounts with the word “tea” in the titles being used to spread rumors, false information, and comments written with the purpose of instigating fights. The easy access to a wide range of devices, the ever-increasing array of social media platforms, the stress of the pandemic, in combination with returning to the uncertainties of classroom learning, escalate the danger even further.

THE LAUNCH OF SOCIAL BULLETS
In response to the rising tide of concern of cyberbullying, Stand for the Silent, a 501 (c)(3) non-profit organization, developed Social Bullets, which is an online website and program designed to raise awareness, intervene and prevent online abuse.

With the essential components of the Social Bullets website and program established, Stand for the Silent is now focusing its efforts on bringing this resource to the attention of local community services and national organizations. These groups serve a crucial role in getting Social Bullets into the hands of those who can likely make the most use of its resources.

Most recently on January 19, 2022, Social Bullets was introduced to parents in the City of Manassas, Virginia through partnering with Officer TJ Rodriguez, Community Vitality Officer, who along with Officer John Hlebinsky developed the Parent E 3 Series, which was designed to engage, educate, and empower parents of at-risk youth. The Project is sponsoring a six-week program to provide parents, in their school community of 7,200 students, with information and tools on topics related to youth well-being, including bullying. According to Officer Rodriquez, the thrust of the series is to “equip parents and youth to put down phones and instead engage in the necessary conversations. A more informed and engaged parent and caregiver provide stronger and healthier relationships with their children.”

“…Equip parents and youth to put down phones and instead engage in the necessary conversations. A more informed and engaged parent and caregiver provide stronger and healthier relationships with their children.” — Officer TJ Rodriguez, Community Vitality Officer, Manassas City Police Department

STAND FOR THE SILENT’S REACH
Stand for the Silent (SFTS) was founded in 2010 by Kirk and Laura Smalley to honor their son Ty’s memory. He died by suicide, after being suspended from school for retaliating against a student who had bullied him for over two year years. Its mission is to increase awareness and prevent the ravaging consequences of all forms of bullying. Their record of high visibility and impact on youth is widely recognized. Since 2010, SFTS has reached 3.28 million kids in 4,726 schools with their school-wide assemblies.

ABOUT THE SOCIAL BULLETS PROGRAM
Working with professionals in the mental health field, SFTS’s Social Bullets team developed the website Social Bullets, the educational Social Bullets video, and the online free of charge, easily downloaded Social Bullets Cyberbullying Survival Guide. The guide is a practical and action-oriented resource for use by parents, guardians, and other adult role models, including schools, who are in the roles of safeguarding youth.

The core theme of Social Bullets is “SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING. The Guide was written by Karen S. Goldberg (Licensed Clinical Social Worker/Psychotherapist), who for the past 45 years provided psychotherapy and related mental health services to children, teenagers, adults, couples, and families, as well as served as Clinical Director to a non-profit that served 150 public and private schools in Washington, DC Metro area.

Planned for the first quarter of 2022 is further extending the reach of Social Bullets’ resources, particularly to those populations and geographic areas with more limited access. In addition, the development of a Peer-to-Peer Cyberbullying Intervention Program is already underway. This new component of Social Bullets is aimed at helping youth to protect themselves and will be implemented by school systems, recreation organizations, and other agencies devoted to supporting the well-being of young people.

To learn more about the Social Bullets program and to download the Cyberbullying Survival Guide, visit https://standforthesilent.org/for-parents/stopcyberbullying/

To learn more about the Manassas Police Department’s Parent E3 Series and the upcoming events in the Northern Virginia area, click here.  

Heard of helicopter parents? Helicopter siblings on the rise

Posted on by Stand For The Silent

Stacy Hawkins, a 30-year-old mother of three, recently told The Wall Street Journal that her 12-year old girl and 13-year-old boy have a remarkable relationship: They parent each other.

Hawkins, in a conversation with reporter Charlie Wells, said “nothing is off limits … from why one sibling shouldn’t watch a certain movie on Netflix to how the other should organize his bedroom. When arguments get out of hand, the parents take what they call the ‘Romeo and Juliet’ approach: Both children get punished, even if just one was trying to control.”

Hawkins’s young children exhibit the kind of behavior that older siblings increasingly push into their digital lives: the use of smartphones to monitor their brothers and sisters such as with location-based app at top of the toolbox.

The trend ranges from preteens all the way up to 40-year-old bachelors, apparently: The Journal caught up with a man who dropped in to a restaurant to see his brother, who was on a first date. The men pretended it was coincidental, but it was in fact intended to relieve pressure!

On social media, Mom and Dad might be friends with their daughter on Facebook or Instagram, but they don’t see the app as she sees it: a stream complete with the posts, retweets and replies of a full — and many times private — social circle.

Siblings, on the other hand, might have greater access. They’re more likely to follow friends of their brothers and sisters on social media and have a more complete picture of what transcends our kids’ digital worlds into real life, the Journal reported.

Combine that with the family locator technology, which shows everyone’s location on a map (even the parents, if they choose), and siblings are armed with more information than ever before.

Jonathan Caspi, an expert on sibling relationships, told the newspaper that the cause may be rooted in “intimacy imbalance,” or the desire of one sibling to feel more connected with the other.

An expert on sibling relationships told The Wall Street Journal that helicopter siblings may be rooted in “intimacy imbalance,” or the desire of one sibling to feel more connected with the other.

There’s a huge tie-in with parents here, as well: Other experts pointed out in the Journal piece that siblings may turn to sibling-hovering because they feel overly controlled by a parent, because they’re modeling their parents’ behavior or because they’re trying to manage stress. This comes at a time when 15 percent of grade-school age children are left in the care of their sibling, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

Clearly, each sibling pair will defy classification. If one sibling is merely gathering information to use against the other, that can quickly erode trust. Of course, armed with information parents may not have, siblings can act as interpreters of day-to-day drama, keeping both sides from misunderstanding.

They can also keep secrets, too. So is a helicopter sibling a parent’s dream come true?

There are too many variables for a straight answer. So much depends on the family dynamic. But parents should be aware that their good or bad behavior could spur a helicopter sibling, and that a dominant sibling is going to alter what trust — and authority — looks like in your home.

Cellphones in class: A changing conversation

Posted on by Stand For The Silent

Does your child’s school allow cellphones? You may be surprised that policies can vary even within districts and that those policies may contradict your own rules for cellphone use during school.

Schools in the Houston Unified School District, which at more than 215,000 students has the largest enrollment in Texas and seventh largest in the U.S., have mixed rules for allowing cellphones in school. The district provides guidelines but largely leaves the rules to school-level administrators.

As personal devices enter more classrooms nationwide, a Houston educator told Stand for the Silent (SFTS) that the city strikes a balance between aggressive technological initiatives — this year, the division will issue every high-schooler an HP Elitebook laptop — and the preference of some of its communities to leave personal devices in lockers.

“I see a lot of different schools, and I see some that are more successful than others,” said Samantha Rosenthal, an education technology specialist who has worked for the Houston Independent School District since 1989. “It’s a bell curve. It’s a range. There are people who don’t want that in the classroom at all. … I believe that the (most) successful will lie somewhere in the middle, in bringing in elements of what makes people comfortable, what makes instruction effective and engaging. There is no blanket answer for everyone.”

Do personal devices support learning? A recent study that found students performed better on exams under a cellphone ban has been used to cast doubt on New York’s reversal. But Lisa Nielsen, director of digital literacy and citizenship at the New York City Department of Education, told SFTS that cellphones are a distraction only “when they are apart” from learning.

“When teachers discover how to effectively incorporate cellphones into learning, they can become tools of engagement”
— Lisa Nielsen, director of digital literacy and citizenship, NYC Department of Education

She said the process begins with teachers becoming familiar with their own devices before modeling proper use to students. Then, homework assignments with a cellphone component are issued. This helps parents become used to the idea that cellphones and schoolwork can coexist, she said.

“We are providing training for teachers and parent coordinators to strengthen the home- school connection with cellphones,” Nielsen said. “In these trainings, parent coordinators and teachers learn to use tools like Remind, Cel.ly, Flickr, Twitter and Poll Everywhere to reach out to families to celebrate student work, get feedback, send reminders and more.”

Nielsen sent us what she called “building blocks” before cellphones are introduced in the classroom:

Student/family agreements or notification.

Use a curriculum like Common Sense Education or Everfi to teach students about safety and etiquette.

Establish classroom management procedures such as instructing students to place phones face down on the corner of their desk when they are not being used for learning.

Develop a responsible use policy with students, and encourage students to keep one another on track.

Plan interactive lessons that incorporate the use of cellphones, and ask students for input on suggested digital resources.

Is it spying to monitor your child’s media use?

Posted on by Stand For The Silent

What’s the difference between cyberspying and monitoring? Cyberspying means to secretly collect information, and it will likely backfire for your children because it doesn’t foster a relationship based on trust. Monitoring your child’s location or media use with their knowledge, on the other hand, is fair game because you’re their parent.

You have a right and a responsibility to know where your children are and what they’re doing with their devices, but it doesn’t take a clandestine action to have peace of mind. How far you go to intervene, whether it’s installing an app to deliver their content to you, or merely asking about their activities, transparency about your actions will be to your benefit.

Simply: Have the conversation about the difference between spying and monitoring. Explain that installing a location-sharing app or similar service is for everyone’s convenience and safety, not to punish them if they make an honest mistake or appropriately deviate from a routine. With locating sharing apps, for example, children are part of the equation. Not only can parents see their child’s location, children can see where their parents are, too.

Monitoring is only part of a parent’s comprehensive strategy. The American Association of School Librarians hit this nail on the head in a post on Internet filtering of school computers. “Installing parental control software is a personal, family decision,” it says. “Most of all, it is essential to realize that parental control software is not a substitute for active parent interaction with your children and supervision of their Internet use.” Being proactive and talking about sexting, appropriate sharing or how much time to spend with a device will reduce the likelihood that you’ll be forced to be reactive.

There’s no one answer for every family, but success is always based on trust. Giving children space to be their own person without feeling that they’re constantly being watched is critical. Above all, a parent’s success with monitoring comes down to trust. “It shouldn’t be a one-way street from a parent discovering their child is being bullied,” said Zack Whittaker, a writer-editor for ZDNet, in a debate on the subject among ZDNet users. “Yes, to a greater or lesser extent, parents know what’s best for their kids. But kids, despite their age and development process, aren’t stupid either. We should give them credit, and so should parents.”

Through Art, Bullied Children Can Find Respite

Posted on by Kay Hall

Art therapy is a relatively new field in which the interface between art and human psychological well-being is explored. One area seeing a lot of interest concerns bullying, children, and art, and a study published by Frontiers in Psychiatry found that art can help children to effectively reduce their vulnerability to bullying. Like many forms of creativity, art is a way of escape, and a window into emotions and candidness between individuals. Promoting art in schools and at home can help to improve self-esteem in children and give them the tools they need to both counter would-be bullies and report them properly.

Art as self-esteem

The link between art and self-esteem is well explored. An article by PsyPost shows how engaging in art is already used to improve symptoms of anxiety and depression by tackling an issue at the core of many people’s condition – low self-esteem. Even completing simple tasks via a pre-defined tutorial, such as drawing simple animals like owls or cats, creates something that children can look at and be proud of. The feeling of accomplishment is something that bolsters confidence and self-esteem, and helps to start providing those emotions and sureness of self that can help minimize damage caused by bullies, or prevent bullying in the first place. Furthermore, artwork doesn’t have to follow any predefined notion about it, and that can be a powerful way to express feelings.

Cathartic expression

Art has shown, over the years, that it doesn’t need to have form or function. Robert Ryman became famous when one of his white-on-white paintings fetched nearly $20 million at auction – and it showed just how all art is valid. Anything that a child wants to commit to paper is worthwhile and will have a benefit in helping them to process their emotions. Being able to dispense with those emotions, and reflect them in a constructive manner, helps immensely with long-term psychological well-being.

Spreading a message

In a more direct way, art can help students to unite against bullies and to present a unified message. It’s important to remember that many bullies are victims themselves, either at home or at school, and while bullying cannot go unpunished it doesn’t mean that bullies cannot be empathized with or helped, too. Unified anti-bullying messages first provides strength to those children who have been victims of bullying, but it also spreads awareness and helps children to have more introspection and, perhaps, come to the realization that their behavior might not be OK. If art can not only improve the all-round mental wellbeing of children, but prevent new cases of bullying arising entirely, it will be worthwhile in its venture – the beauty of art aside.

Alongside the other creative arts, drawing, painting and its related practices can do a world of good for children being victimized by bullying. An emotional outlet that imparts tremendous emotional wellbeing, it has the power to change the world. Consider it when looking for ways to aid children caught up in the cycle of bullies.

For Kids Undergoing Pressure, Video Games Are A Lifeline

Posted on by Kay Hall

Digital technology has been a transformative tool for parents. Screen time, when properly managed, can be used to help educate, inspire, and provide relief from the stresses of life. Video games can provide even more than that, with some scientific studies even suggesting that video games could be a valid form of psychotherapy, engaging with the need for escapism and new perspectives. Whether through illness, the need for better education, or for a way to help unwind when being targeted by bullies, kids need that escape in their day-to-day lives. Video games have a proven track record of providing that, and are starting to push their way into mainstream healthcare.

Utilizing MMORPGs

Massively multiplayer online role playing games, or MMORPGs, are the standard for online gaming. Typically consisting of an open world in which players are invited to create wondrous characters from a selection of options, they provide a real escapism from life. One such product is Runescape, which in particular has a mass appeal – it has low hardware requirements and can be played from a browser, meaning there’s a low barrier to entry. Runescape lovers have access to a huge and supportive community that is well-renowned within gaming circles for eschewing the toxicity associated with many other AAA titles. The game has left behind numerous good news stories; Wired reports on one girl who, at 14, was diagnosed with a heart condition that left her unable to leave the home or hospital. Runescape provided a lifeline and a way to preserve mental health in these difficult conditions.

As therapy

On a wider basis, video games are beneficial to children. As USA Today outlines, they help to build social skills and have tentatively been shown to help disperse emotions of stress, reducing the number of nightmares that affected children experience. Even when it comes to violent video games, the need for compassion and consideration has been shown, in the correct environment, to help kids control aggression. These are powerful indicators for improved development and social-wellbeing, and can be an important intervention when it comes to children facing pressure in their private lives from a range of sources.

FDA Approval

Such is the benefits of video gaming in treating mental health, the FDA have now approved video games for that purpose. The first of such products, EndeavorRX, is marketed for children between the age of 8 and 12 who are diagnosed with ADHD. Prescribed for 25 minutes of play, five days a week, for four weeks, it is noted to help enhance developmental skills and push back against global developmental delay.

It is important to note that video games can themselves be addictive. Video game addiction is a serious, WHO-recognized illness that impacts thousands across the world. Ensuring children do not become dependent on their video games is an important step for parents to take – however, in measured amounts, video games can be a powerful force for good.

Screen time: Questions on physical health

Posted on by Stand For The Silent

How many hours in a day is too long to use a digital device? The short answer is whenever, as a parent, you think is too long, but experts generally agree on a few conclusions. Screens should be off limits to children under 2. Although the American Academy of Pediatrics says “entertainment” screen time should be limited to just two hours a day, Common Sense Media quashes fears of zombie children: “The reality is that most families will go through periods of heavy and light media use, but so long as there’s a balance, kids should be just fine.”

How does screen time affect weight? Screen time is a sedentary activity. At least one study finds a greater risk for children who watch TV: As reported in the Los Angeles Times, “Compared to the kids who watched less than an hour of TV per day, those who watched an hour or more were 39% more likely to become overweight between kindergarten and first grade. They also were 86% more likely to become obese during that time.”

What about eyesight? Screen time was among the factors blamed in a recent European study that showed increased shortsightedness in people age 25-29 when compared with adults 55 to 59. Again, experts say balance is key: When children have normal outside playtime, adverse effects are minimized.

What is the effect on sleep? A nearly universal recommendation is to keep screens out of the bedroom, primarily to protect sleep. In a recent report, AAP said that screens in the bedroom “delays sleep onset; shortens sleep duration and interferes with achieving deep, restful sleep.” Lack of sleep is associated with obesity and poor academic performance.