Superhero Parents Emerge From Gun Violence

One could argue that raising a child can be counted among the greatest and most underestimated acts of heroism. Why? It is a courageous act whereby you are providing a lifetime of love, hope, protection and guidance for your children.

But what happens when a parent suffers the loss of a child due to a preventable tragedy such as gun violence? It is then that parents really must dig deep and find their strength. The result? Heroes walking among us.

For centuries, parenting, like a warm blanket stitched together with love, sacrifice, and blistered hands, has unfurled its heroic patchwork across the bed of existence. Within the metamorphosis of parenthood, heroes emerge in every form. Their capes are invisible but mighty. They are the day guardians and night watchmen who ignite hope, offer protection, and whisper sweet adoration into the ears of their little ones. Offering solace through each frightening nightmare and every bruised “owie,” parents inspire resilience in their children and instill in them the courage to face even the most violent of life’s storms.  

The Greatest Threat

So what is the greatest threat to raising a child? Books dealing with borderline subjects? Violent video games, movies or music? You might think so, right? However, according to the Associated Press and Northeastern University, guns — surpassing even car accidents — was the leading cause of death for children and teenagers in 2020. “We are a nation of gun violence survivors and tragically, our ranks continue to grow,” says Sarah Burd-Sharps, Senior Director of Research at Everytown for Gun Safety. “No parent wants to believe that gun violence could ever invade their community but the unrelenting reality of our gun violence epidemic in America is that each day, parents across the country are being proven wrong.” And when these parents are proven wrong — faced with the unspeakable reality of gun violence in their backyards — it is within the very ruins of grief that echoes of lost innocence reverberate and certain parents emerge as unsung heroes. Their invisible capes mentioned before are “woven” from resilience, not fabric. Their superpowers — indestructible as iron — are forged in the inferno of anguish. With each step, they tread the tightrope between sorrow and purpose, channeling their heartache into a shield for other children. Activism becomes their battle cry, a defiant stand to prevent the relentless tide of tragedy from repeating itself again and again.

Two Superheroes Walking Among Us

Lori Alhadeff lost her 14 year old daughter, Alyssa, in the 2018 Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School mass shooting in Parkland, Florida. “She (Alyssa) never met a person she couldn’t make laugh. Her laugh was contagious to everyone that heard her within a mile radius,” according to The Eagle Eye student newspaper 2018 special edition memoriam published in honor of the victims of the mass shooting. In the unprovoked attack, 17 students and teachers were killed, and 17 more were injured, with a legally purchased AR-15-style rifle. Since then, Lori has focused her pain to make something positive, creating the nonprofit organization “Make Our Schools Safe”.

 She has tirelessly fought and won bipartisan support of “Alyssa’s Law” in New Jersey, Florida, and New York, while successfully introducing the law in several other states. This critical piece of legislation addresses the issue of law enforcement response time when a life-threatening emergency occurs, shortening it dramatically by installing a panic button in school classrooms.

 Lori’s strength and commitment to find bi-partisan support in order to help keep kids safe in schools is inspiring. And her efforts are gaining attention and making a true impact, clearly, as she and at least two other parents of the Parkland school shooting victims were invited to the White House for the passing of President Biden’s “Bipartisan Safer Communities Act.”

 In my first podcast interview in 2022, I asked Lori how she manages to remain strong and focused to accomplish the incredible things she has done to protect other children. She confessed that she still draws her strength from her daughter Alyssa. More specifically, she stated that she has made it her mission to be Alyssa’s voice, as she doesn’t want her beloved daughter´s death to have been in vain. Instead, she wants to keep fighting for Alyssa.

 And her mission now? It’s important to Lori that Alyssa’s brothers, their friends, and all children are safe in school. The love and support Lori receives from her family and friends empowers her to keep striving for change in her community and others.

 The family has also adopted a Goldendoodle therapy dog named Roxie. Lori shared how it has been Roxie’s loving nature that has helped their family get through many of the roughest patches of the grieving process. Lori believes that Alyssa would approve of Roxie, and of all that her mother has been doing. “Alyssa was such a fighter and had a big voice. She was the captain of her soccer team. I know that Alyssa would want me to keep going and keep fighting for her,” Lori says.  

 For most parents, losing a child is a death sentence to the soul; kryptonite to the spirit. After all, it is an understood expectation that the natural way of things is for children to carry on the memories of their mothers and fathers, not the other way around. But for some parents, losing a child in such a preventable tragedy is an unwelcome baptism by fire, an unwanted rite of passage where their heroism is tested. After being slowly doused by endless tears, a triumphant force sometimes emerges from the now-tamed flames. This force can be recognized as a supernatural power of purpose and destiny.

Kirk Smalley – Stand for the Silent

In 2022, I had the sobering and humbling privilege of speaking with Kirk Smalley, whose 11-year old son, Ty, committed suicide with a gun after being bullied in school for two years. His mother worked in her son’s school and had raised concerns about the bullying, only to have the administrators dismiss her concerns saying, “Boys will be boys.” The school principal actually told her, “He (Ty) just needs to toughen up, cupcake.”

 When Kirk’s son was pushed to the point of retaliation against a bully one day, he was suspended. That day, when his parents returned home from work, they found not that their son had done his homework or chores, but instead, that he had taken his own life. Since that day, Kirk has done extensive research and learned that we are losing kids on a daily basis to suicide directly related to bullying.

 Furthermore, Kirk now has a list of over 66,000 children we have lost in America within the last 8 years alone. The youngest one on the list is only 6 years old. Kirk is now the president of the nonprofit organization, “Stand for the Silent,” which is committed to changing kids’ lives and bringing awareness about bullying and the real devastation it causes.

 In 2020, Kirk suffered yet another heartbreaking loss as his wife passed away. Kirk shares how this grief has only served to strengthen his desire to make a difference, saying, “I gotta be the best man I can possibly be and I gotta save as many babies as I can while I’m still here.”

 I asked Kirk how he finds strength after having these (tragic) experiences. He explains, “I get messages, literally by the thousands, from kids that I have spoken to. We’ve talked to 3,991 schools now; a little over 3.5 million kids. I get messages from most kids that we’ve talked to literally by the thousands saying, ‘You saved my life. I was going to kill myself until I heard what you had to say and now I’m not. And I want to help you make it stop, Mr. Smalley.’”

 Kirk and Laura Smalley traveled to over 6,025 schools and spoke with over 4.15 million students. On March 10, 2011, Kirk and Laura met privately with President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama in the White House prior to attending the first ever White House conference on bullying.

A Heroic Path to Follow

 Each of these extraordinary examples showcases parents who have demonstrated superhero strength and fortitude following unimaginable grief. Summoning such Herculean power of will and spirit to help save the lives of other children after losing one’s own child is unfathomable.

 They have inspired thousands of others to commit to serving in their local communities by taking action against gun violence. These parents have proven that we are powerful when we focus and work together. Superheroes like these parents do not rely on “thoughts and prayers.” Instead, they expect — and demand — meaningful change. More than anyone, these superhero parents recognize that the fates of generations of children to come desperately hang on the collective power of love, hope, protection and guidance from a collectively committed community.

Special “Thank you”:

Special thank you to Sarah Burd-Sharps, Senior Director of Research at Everytown for Gun Safety for providing a quote for this blog.

Special thank you to Lori Alhadeff and Kirk Smalley for generously lending their stories and for providing permission to use their photos.

Sources:

Aponte, L. (2022, July 18). Podcast #2: Lori Alhadeff, Make Our Schools Safe. A Safe Place: How to Prevent the Next School Shooting. Retrieved from https://asafeplacebook.com/f/podcast-2—lori-alhadeff-make-our-schools-safe

Aponte, L. (2022, August 7). Podcast #3 – Kirk Smalley, Stand for the Silent. A Safe Place: How to Prevent the Next School Shooting. Retrieved from https://asafeplacebook.com/f/podcast-3—kirk-smalley-stand-for-the-silent

Josh Gottheimer. (2023, July 27). Parents of Parkland school shooting victims join reps. Gottheimer, Fitzpatrick, Moskowitz, Gonzales, and Davis to introduce bipartisan school safety legislation: requires school panic alarms and invests in school resource officers [Press release]. Retrieved from https://gottheimer.house.gov/posts/release-parents-of-parkland-school-shooting-victims-join-reps-gottheimer-fitzpatrick-moskowitz-gonzales-and-davis-to-introduce-bipartisan-school-safety-legislation

Mass killing database: Revealing trends, details and anguish of every US event since 2006. (2022, August 18). USA Today. Retrieved from https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/graphics/2022/08/18/mass-killings-database-us-events-since-2006/9705311002/

What is Alyssas’s law? (2023). Make Our Schools Safe. Retrieved from https://makeourschoolssafe.org/alyssas-law/ 

Who we are. (2023). Stand for the Silent. Retrieved from https://standforthesilent.org/who-we-are/